you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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