There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
