Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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