Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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