ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
