ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
