Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was a trapeze. enough said
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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