It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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