i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize