Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
