he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to make out with him forever
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
