Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
