You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
