i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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