I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
