i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
