tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
