i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
