it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
