Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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