I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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