Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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