I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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