Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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