I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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