Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
