I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
