We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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