is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
