I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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