just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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