I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
