Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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