Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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