Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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