If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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