and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
