haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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