he thought i was a dude.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
