New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
