I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
