Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
