More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
