a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is it penis luge time yet?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
