So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
