He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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