i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
