My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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