I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
