Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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