I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just gift wrapped bread.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
