what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
