I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
