We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
