Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
