even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
