the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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