I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize