I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
