Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
