I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
40s are totally the cure
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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