I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
