i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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