Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
