I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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