Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
