he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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