I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
