You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
