i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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