he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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