I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize