3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
