the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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