I got chris browned last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
